The Paradox of Marriage

The Paradox of Marriage

Today, I attended a friend’s wedding. I am terribly moved by how the wedding was carefully celebrated: two people exchanged their vows of endless love in front of God, family, friends, and maybe some people they barely knew at all. The magnanimity of the joy they felt exemplified the inner nature of man to love and be loved.

There were vows and speeches on love, life, living, and relationship. While listening to them, I was able to reflect about my life particularly in the context of love and marriage. Now, more than ever, I am re-examining my beliefs.

First, what is really marriage, the sacrament of holy matrimony? I am only 26 and I do not have a real understanding on this. I wish some light will be shed. But here is a list of what I know—knowledge passed on to me from my parents: (1) That marriage seals the love of a groom to his wife and vice versa; (2) That it is a sacrament of holy matrimony where you asked the Lord to bless the union of love; and (3) That marriage is necessary for the love to work.

Today, we are living in a society where science and technology greatly advanced--- a society sometimes called the high speed of the mass information society. But whether we live in industrialized or in less advanced countries, our life benefits more or less are the advances in transportation, communication, and the mass media that have greatly expanded our horizons, shaped our beliefs, and influenced our understanding on many things. And yes, including love and marriage. My point here is—while I have expanded my world beyond my comfort zone I guess I am little by little loosing belief on marriage.

Now, I think marriage is just a documentary formality dressed to the nines and marketed as a sealant of love and a blessing of God. When I visited the church, I saw a notice about “Ordinary Wedding” and “Special wedding.” I can’t help but ask the church secretary why is there such. Is wedding now like a “bathcoy” (that I used to enjoy while in Iloilo) where there is special and ordinary? Or is wedding also being commercialized?

“Marriage is formed when two people feel love for each other and it is broken when they fall out of love,” I told one of my priest friends. He objected,” That definition of marriage is oversimplified. If we reduce marriage to that, then there is no more sanctity to what God meant a union to be holy.”

Now, I am terribly confused. Is marriage really necessary for love to work? I’m a Catholic. And in our church, there the wedding ring symbolism: Wear this ring as a sign of my love and LOYALTY in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Or does the wedding ring only exemplifies the paradox of marriage—that it binds two people EXCLUSIVELY for each other, yet it does so within a social network in which the marriage itself depends?

Second, is love shared outside of marriage bad? This I honestly do not know. But I would remember how my mom and lola would rant over two people living in together. They would attribute bad luck to their affair outside of marriage.

Oh my! This is really confusing and I am terribly scared when the moment comes for me to marry.

---HRH